We love you, Angel Baby...

Well, it's been a minute since I last posted.  I have told myself to just write down my thoughts because this journey is mine for the taking and growing. 

The past few weeks have been a blessed disturbance.  The blessing is I was pregnant with a wonderful blessing.  The disturbance was after 6 weeks, I miscarried.  I felt such joy when we found out I was pregnant.  It's been a long 38 years to actually meet a wonderful man with whom I desired to continue to build a family with.  We have learned so much about healing, letting go, and growth.  So, it was such a wonderful day when we found out we were having a baby. 

What a blessing and amazing experience it is to grow "someone" inside of you.  I started to just shift my thoughts towards being selfless. I needed to care for myself like I have never cared before.  It wasn't just me, whom I had to think about now.  It is the most precious experience a woman can encounter. 

Unfortunately, we lost the little one after 6 short weeks.  I felt such a sense of sadness and loss.  It felt as though the carpet was pulled right out from my feet and swiftly knocked me hard on my bottom.  Just boom- gone!  I allowed myself to mourn, I still do.  I prayed for peace and comfort.  WOW, oh Wow! I received it like never before in my life. 

I went into the Dr on a Monday to ensure my body had released the pregnancy.  It was with great shock and sadness that there was still a sac and embryo still inside me.  I was utterly distraught.  How could this be?  I felt I had endured enough with just the loss of a baby and a dream come true.  It felt too much to bear.  So, I got back on my knees, I literally sobbed enough tears to shower a village.  Though I knew in my heart God had a plan, there was a reason, and who was I to question it.  So, I begged Him to please heal me.  To please take away the sac because I could not imagine having to carry it for another two weeks.  Thankfully, I felt the quiet still voice say call Dr. R's office and be seen.  I made an appointment for Tuesday, literally 24 hours after my first appointment.  I told her my story of events and was simply seeking advice to plan the least invasive procedure possible.  To my absolute amazement the Dr found no sac or embryo.  I was shocked to say the least.  I actually felt like she thought perhaps I had made it up.  However, if you know me, you know I get all my information because I wanted to be sure I was not just losing my mind (my ultrasounds). I had been healed in 24 hours with no bleeding and no cramps.  It was amazing.  It was God.  There simply is no other explanation.  It truly has helped me of "small" faith.  It has really helped solidify that all the hard work I have done in the past few years have been worth it.  God has truly healed me inside.  He really has never walked away from me, it was I who walked away.  I am NOT perfect.  I don't have all the answers, in fact, I feel I know so little.  It's not my place to judge anyone's walk on this earth.  It's only my privilege to share with those who choose to listen.  What I do know is that I was given a gift of The Light touching me.  No one can convince me otherwise.  Dr's have no answers except to say "power of prayer!" 

Where there is light, there cannot be dark. 

Thank you to all those who have reached out.  Prayed.  Sent flowers and food and cards.  Most of all thank you for your love and support.  We love you.   We have never felt more calm and content in the saddest of circumstances. 

We love you, Sarah Grace.  We can't wait to meet you one day our sweet Princess.

Appreciation.

Being still. 

I appreciate the quiet that surrounds me right now.

I am so thankful for each moment I am filled with life and Love.  What a blessing to be able to share it with those that are put on my journey and path. 

Today, I am blessed with time with my son.  Dinner and movies @ home.  Exactly where we want to be.

"If you don't love yourself, you will always be chasing people who don't love you, either." Mandy Hale

Words that spoke to me...

There are many things in life that just aren't easy. Parenting is one of them! Along with loving difficult people.  The following words spoke to me, reminding me to be patient and loving, along with giving thanks for having the honor to raise children.

By Mary Southerland (www.girlfriendsingod.com)

"Have you noticed that sandpaper people are usually needy people? I have discovered that irritating behavior is often nothing more than a plea for help in disguise. True love - God’s love - looks beyond abrasive behavior to see and meet the real needs of a difficult person.

Meeting a need in the life of a sandpaper person can be messy and usually demands a sacrifice of some kind on our part. It is easier to simply placate or avoid difficult people than it is to love them the way they need to be loved. It makes our life easier. For example, when we see that sandpaper person coming, we turn around and head in the opposite direction. When the caller ID identifies our sandpaper person as the caller, we do not answer. Hurried conversations replace a listening heart. We offer tolerance instead of acceptance. And God is not pleased. He is committed to our character - not to our comfort.


God wants us to love each other in the same way that He loves – unconditionally. In fact, God wants us to love in such a way that the people around us will know we are fully devoted followers of Christ. I wonder what our relationships would look like if we did. Who knows? That sandpaper person may very well turn into a velvet person."



I've been blessed with 4 kids --- a set of twin daughters who are 20, a son that's14, and an 11 year old daughter.  My husband is crazy enough to want to add more kids to the bunch... bless his heart.  He has a pretty big one (I am lucky!!).  So, as I continue to accept the reality of adding more to the clan, with a teen and pre-teen already in tow, I will just keep remembering that I am able.  Parenting is not for the faint hearted... well, effective parenting anyway.

The picture reminds me just how precious we all really are --- everyone just wants to be loved and accepted.  So, I am committed to doing my part, as a parent and able-minded human on this Earth, until I am called Home.

Amen <3

Be Bold. Embrace Change...

Feeling the need to let some thoughts flow...

First, I've partnered with a wonderful new business venture that includes helping people look their best.  (https://mindisinclair.myrandf.com/) Gaining confidence and embracing aging (because we can't stop the clock people).  For the really bold people in my life - I'd love to partner up with them to help them fulfill goals they have. Whether it is confidence in something new, extra money for fun things, expanding their network, or just have some influence on the lives of others.   

It has taken me time to fully embrace my recent life transitions.  In the past 2 years...I decided to become a student again (lifetime, right?).  I chose to do the hard work of healing past hurts.  I married my very handsome best friend (and 5th grade crush).  I became a full time Momma.  I reluctantly decided I did not want to continue pursuing my high tech sales career.  I humbly and faithfully made the decision to stay at home and care for my family.

During this journey, I have felt discouraged and encouraged.  Many of my friends could not understand why I would choose not to work.  I mean really, I do reside in the Bay Area known as Silicon Valley, and it is quite expensive to boot.  I've always been part of the hustle and bustle.  I had chosen to know no other way... until I finally got quiet.  Sat still.  Just listened.  (Oh, and for those that know me - I cannot believe I closed down the internet browser at 12:20 am on 9/20/13 and chose not to purchase the iPhone 5s.  What is happening??! lol)

That is when it finally hit me.  I am passionate about people, not things.  Mainly, women and children, but I had this overwhelming desire to love people, walk by people, and encourage them in their journey.  To have a servant hood mindset.  To seek out what is most important to them and encourage them to pursue it.  To help them put fear into its proper place.   Gently remind them fear should ignite the fire (passion) to follow their hearts desire. Desire is placed in our hearts for a reason.  Generally, fear paralyzes us from doing anything about it.  So, I have boldly decided I won't sit around waiting for life to happen.  I intend to make it happen.  For me.  For my family.  For those lives I encounter on my journey. 

I am excited to be part of change. To encourage and lovingly walk by people who want to help themselves live bold, live loud, and live with intention. Live with Truth.  I'll accept all the no's to get to those yes' that want to be bold.  To live a life that they can say "Ahh, I may not have a million in the bank, but wow I am rich in love and in blessings!" It's how I feel when I see people light up about their transformation of mind, body, and Spirit.  I had no idea it would lead me to this moment... helping people look their best one day at a time.

Choosing to invest in myself and others is a huge blessing for me.  When we feel good about our appearance we just generally have the over all confidence to tackle the world --- accept the adversity with less fear, fight for what we're passionate about, understand that others needs love and encouragement, and to know that each day we have touched someone's life in a positive way. Even if its just to say 'Hey, I am thinking about you.  Praying for you.'  It is my prayer that my new venture will allow me to give back to what is important to me.  Helping women (and men) be confident in who they are.  Understanding and accepting they are wonderful as they are. Come as you are.  Grow.  Learn.  To be fearless as they invest in themselves to achieve whatever dreams or goals they have -- big or seemingly small.  We deserve it.  We are all beautiful.

Amen! <3

James 1:2-4...

Integrity.  (Ethically)

What does it mean?
Defined as adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
I would also say, as would others, it is the things you do when no one is watching.  It is the truth of your heart - it's the consistency of choosing the right path, regardless of the painful or isolating outcome of the integral choice made.

I have the great honor and privilege to be married to my best buddy, Jeff.  He is far from perfect, but he has been a wonderful example of what choosing Integrity looks like.  He has chosen at times to take the hard path to redemption, but he has allowed God to work all things for good according to His purpose/plan.   

Jeff chooses humility when it comes to his soldiering days.  He does not often speak about the experience.  However, as I continue to do life with him, and while I know I have been his greatest challenge and blessing (all rolled into one passionate pretty package).   I think about how God has built Jeff's character in the past few years.  Bending him to the point of broken.  Letting him fall so far that most people would crumble.  The words of his Colonel (below) put so much perspective into how I believe Integrity just seems to no longer matter to most people anymore.

"First, I submit that my opinion in this regard should be heeded. I spent almost three decades soldiering in three armies for two different countries and in three different wars. I know men, and I know battle. In addition to this experience, and far more significant in my mind, is the fact that my wife of 33 years and I have raised a son to honorable manhood in spite of the modern condition. Finally, I have been successful in business, and, presently, as a Special Education teacher of children with intellectual disabilities.

Without reservation, I testify to you now that Jeffrey Sinclair was the most heroic and honorable of all the 900+ soldiers under my command during the deployment of my Air Assault Infantry Task Force during Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2005. With the clarity of hindsight and in-depth retrospection, I deem his actions in combat, day in and day out, and the impossibly bitter, no-win dilemmas he faced and invariably overcame with honor, more than qualify him for this claim.

His personal courage is something I never questioned, and, to be frank—given  the business in which we were engaged—physical bravery was such a given, so universally displayed, I held it to be among the most mundane of virtues. What it is that makes Jeff the hero of heroes among my soldiers is his moral courage. His rectitude in this regard was on daily display, but his actions in one particular instance forever guarantees his place in my heart as a righteous being.

Suffice it to say, without any impetus than his own heart, he chose the hard, right over the overwhelmingly, seductively easy wrong. Jeff did the right thing at the right time where simple inaction would have allowed him to sail along unscathed. I don’t mean to be cryptic, but I see no purpose in providing details. Jeff’s heroic and selfless actions at what was the very pinnacle moment of my unit’s combat tour, saved the honor of the unit. His sense of right and wrong was a true and unwavering beacon that directly caused my vast and far flung organization to survive with its collective soul intact.

Many soldiers act out of a sense of reward. They fantasize about medals and honors bestowed by higher echelons of power and prestige. This is beneficial as it motivates the common man to acts of goodness. Jeff’s motivation comes wholly from within. Jeff’s reward for his many outstanding accomplishments and particularly for his single, sublime act was ostracism and worse from the venial, base, and rotten many that served with us. Yet, true to his nature, he soldiered on; he bore the burdens, he daily placed himself in harm’s way...he did his duty until the deployment, mercifully came to an end."  Col. F.

Those words remind me how amazing people can be in the face of adversity.  It challenges me to continually search my heart and mind.  Not to live up to the standards of what people think I should do or be.  Not to live according to how others may or may not think of me.  To live according to what I know is my Truth, my Journey.  The journey won't always be easy, but without a shadow of doubt, I know the right choice is the best choice.  Recognizing I am not living to please others.  I want to please my Father above.  (Jeff, thank you for doing the very hard right thing!  Your service to this country is a blessing to me and so many others who will never know what a true hero you are! I love you!) 

So, at times when I don't feel like doing the "right" thing.  Or being loving towards those I really just don't want to love -- I'll do it anyway because I want to be a woman of Integrity.  A woman of Love.  Oh, I get to be angry at injustice, but all it's doing it is motivating me to do better.  Be intentional. Be a more compassionate woman:

A Wife.  A Mom.  A Daughter.  A Sister.  A Friend...

Ephesians 4:32

Thank you to those who will hold me accountable and love me through this journey... all my love

Amen <3

Love my path...

Oops, it's been a minute since I've written.  I have been pretty busy lately --- embracing my role as Wife and Mom and everything else... <3 (love it!)

Recently, I was chatting with a couple of friends who reminded me that walking the unknown does not have to be scary or dark.  It can be as amazing as this photo above... the path is clear, it's wide, and it's beautiful with many adventures ahead.  There will be moments of calm.  There will be moment to climb.  The light shines on the dark.

We can always makes excuses why we don't keep moving forward, but when the path is laid out so clearly - just embrace it.  Don't fight it. Step by step - you can make it.  Encourage yourself.  Be encouraged by others.  Press forward.  God walks by and with you and sends amazing people and situations to grow us, bend us, teach us.  There is no such thing as failure, just experiences and lessons... Grow.  Stretch.  Reach!

Amen <3

Thoughts to paper.... (or this blog site)

I was reminded again today  -- get those feelings and thoughts out there --- put it down on paper.  

...finding my words again...

As I continue my journey towards Love, I came across the following written by Sharon Jaynes.  It spoke to me, so I am sharing it...

John Eldredge, in his book Wild at Heart, describes three longings that lie at the heart of every man: a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue, an adventure to live. He also ventures to say that women have three longings of the heart as well: to be fought for, to share in an adventure, and to have her beauty unveiled.

“Not to conjure,” Eldredge explains, “but to unveil.

A woman was and is one of God’s most magnificent creations. As a matter of fact, she was His grand finale. After He fashioned Eve, creation was complete and He took a rest! God has placed in our hearts a love for beauty and a desire to be beautiful – as He defines it.

Like an artist who sees the finished work in his mind’s eye, God saw your unformed substance and then began to fashion you from head to toe. He made no mistakes but planned each detail of your being. You do not need to compare yourself to other works of art, but thank the Artist for how He chose to create the masterpiece called…you.

Often I forget how precious I am.  I am wanted.  I was uniquely designed to learn authentic Love and share the abudance of His overflowing Love.  I am loved.  I am beautiful.  So are you!!

The picture is that of one of dearest friends weddings -- it reminds me to be honest, to love, to continue to remove the veil and uncover the beauty from within.  It starts with forgiveness on many levels... I am blessed! 

Amen,
Mindi

Love...

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ⁸ Love never ends. (1 Cor. 13:4-8)

Today my husband married our lovely friends. I am so blessed to have such a wonderfully passionate man of God. 

Wishing love and peace always to Matt and Carrie. <3

Remember to love yourself too...

In order to give love, you must receive love.

Impatience imprisons our soul.  Choose Patience.

Choose kindness.

Love is patient.

I love You!

We love, because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)

Amen <3

Patience...

Love is patient!  What!?  Oh wow -- :) the first word spoken about love.  Sadly, I must admit that I often fall short with patience.  I hate sitting at stop lights,  sitting in traffic, waiting at DMV, and more recently waiting to have my home transformed into new.  Being displaced from all my comforts has proven to be a challenge and a blessing.  I've seen a side of my husband I already knew was there, but this has confirmed his ability to exude patience and the love he has towards me.  It creates a desire to want to respond the same way, and causes me to reflect deeper and apologize faster, when I throw a tantrum/fall short :(

When I think of patience - I also think about how we are often asked to wait for things that are to come.  Whether it is love, a relationship, a new car, a new job, etc.  More often than not we are asked to be still and listen, but we can't so we create noise with staying busy, working too much, going out,  never allowing the small voice of God to just speak. 

So I challenge you to take 5 to 10 minutes a day and just be still.  Focus on your breath alone.  Then focus on the blessings of just being alive.  Give thanks for all things! Find joy and peace in the unknowns.  There is a plan.  Be patient.  You don't have to prove yourself.  You're enough. 

Amen <3

Peace for me...

Thankful for each moment in my life.

Thankful that I am free.

Thankful my sins and burdens were laid at the cross.

Have a blessed day!

Learning love...

As I sit and think about love and what that means to me.  The question that comes to mind is "Have I been stubbornly resistant to really embracing it because I have been afraid of/to change?"  (recently had to answer this ?)

The answer is yes.

I believe all of us desire to be loved and accepted.  Except most of us don't really know what that means and more importantly how to react, respond, give, or receive love.  Society has told us it's about what you have and the titles to which you hold, how many letter are behind your name to be accepted and loved.  Parents may have taught us the measurement system, if you reach your goals or whatever measure they have laid upon you, then you've "succeeded" (thankfully, my parents were not this way).  What happens when you don't reach or hit those goals?  Or even worse, you do.  Yet still you are not "good enough?!"  What has happened to our society to make us feel like love or acceptance is so unattainable?  As I reflect more upon this, I realize if society, peer, and parental pressures were not enough - well, then we (ourselves) get involved. Whoa, aren't we our worst critics??

Going back to answering the question above:  Yes, I have been stubbornly resistant to truly embrace love because of my flawed thinking and misconceptions I've had about love.  In the past, I tried to seek love by doing more and being better and being good.  Trying to please everyone, but forgetting myself along the way.  Seeking acceptance by doing more.  Which then led to resentment and anger because I would fail... now at 37 realizing that much of my past thinking was flawed.  I would not say it was "wrong" because to say that would discredit the life experience I gained in my failures and adversity.  So, now I am choosing to let go of my stubborn patterns and choose to love with all of me.  Every part, the good and bad, the ugly and beautiful.  I will choose to remain open, honest, and authentic. 

Has your past been holding you back from your fullest potential to love and be loved??  If so, maybe it's time to examine the old and make room for the new... <3

Amen!

Reach for the sky...

Today, I am taking a moment to sit in silence and send my love to all those who need comfort and peace!

This photo reminds me that the sky is the limit - so reach for the stars.  Let the light guide you. 

Remembering the very precious gift of life and how each moment truly is a blessing.  May you choose to make each moment count!  Don't stay parked idle too long...

Amen! <3

Letting it go...

It's been a huge challenge to learn to lay down control and my past that burdened me.  Every time I have said yes to myself (flesh), I have taken away/cheated God from blessing me.

As I continue my 40 day fast of not consuming any liquor, I've noticed that I've been able to really connect with God and people on a level that may not have been possible with a substance on board.  There have been periods of my life where I was just consumed with "not feeling" or "avoiding."  At the time it felt so much easier than actually addressing the core problems of the heart.  It has caused more heartache and pain to numb than to just actually understand and heal from those past choices I made, or that were placed upon me of no choice of my own.  Literally, taking a sober assessment of my life.

Taken in Rome, Italy

What I do know is that I don't have to carry around the past pain and I can lay it at the cross.  I know that by believing and knowing He always has my best interest at heart, I can walk through the fear and overcome it with Him.  My faith has grown tremendously over the past year.  I've always believed but now I can see just how much I am loved and cared for by the Almighty.  It's not because I am weak, it's because I know without a doubt that I can do all things through Him.  If left up to me, I'd remain stuck, just as I had been for 35 years.  I made the conscious choice to choose to live by Faith.  I, Mindi, will stumble at times, but I know that I have a great Leader and team mates who will encourage me to get up again and lay all my burdens at the cross.  Giving the credit where its due, God.  I am not perfect.  Sadly, I mess up a lot.  However, I strive towards humility each day.  I am thankful to everyone who helps keep me focused on my path towards Love. 

Amen! <3